Men have always been expected to be strong and staid. Men were expected to be reserved and contemplative when calm, yet strong and capable when pushed too far — then came the late ’60s and second-wave feminism. With women gaining equality in the workplace, the bedroom and society in general, gender borders began to erode at an alarming rate. Men were now expected to wear their emotions on their sleeves — or so was the stated opinion of women.

While women may say they want raw emotion, the truth, as is the case in so many circumstances, is that they don’t really know what they want. Believe us, no woman really wants to see you cry. Today, navigating which emotions men are supposed to express when can be rather confusing. The Emo-meter rating, measured on a scale of 0 (for never) to 5 (for frequent), lets men know when, if ever, they should really emote around women. Learn to control your emotions with the tips below.

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